Flyboys

Why...

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:27:28 GMT

i don't know what's wrong... why does it always have to be at the start of weekends? it happened last week... n it happened again now... i couldn't study at all like that... couldn't even sleep till now either and i got to go run some errands for the squadron soon...

i don't even really know what i did wrong... is it because of the questions i asked? but deep down you know you are still the one i'm most concerned about... the one most important to me... and the only one i love... why do you have to upset and make me feel hurt again with those words?... it sounded like you want to forsake me already which i don't want... i don't want to lose you... and you hanged up on me... something i told you i really really dislike but you still did it.............. it's not tat i didn't try calling you... i tried again... but to no avail...

though i was upset and felt hurt again this time... plus a little bit of anger... i reminded myself to keep my promise to you... i'm trying to talk to you... so stop ignoring me................... please........

somehow... i felt that wad i had prepared for you which is coming has lost all its meanings......................

I love you

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 04:51:58 GMT

after not blogging here for so long... i'm attached~ oh man i can't believe i really am attached~ i'm attached with this sweet little girl who i misses like hell everyday and night in perth during my flying training~ dear is so nice that she actually came over during my december break and we had a great time within Perth~ she came with so many presents! a G-shock watch, Fred Perry Shirt and polo, a lacoste polo, a small cute bear, and lastly a handmade scrapebook! i really love the scrapbook she made~ it's full of love and sweetness which touches all the way deep into my heart~ really thanks for all these~ in return i bought her a Wii hoping that she can play with her friends and keep herself entertained at home since i can't be by her side for the next 6 months, a huge bear to accompany her at hotel when i have to go back base, and a bouquet of flowers on her first day here~ the trip was very very fun~ we went to places like Rottnest, Go-kart, Jandakot to fly, tons of shopping, boxing day, etc, and my cousin lynn who stays here brought us around too~ i was so so so so unwilling to let her leave me on the 28th when she's entering the departure~ sigh~ however, she said that we took so many polariod pictures that should last me for the next 6 months so that i won't miss her that much~ bullshit! how can i not miss you dear...

Although i'm feeling so loved and happy now... problems still arised between the both of us~... i'm not sure if it will evolve into a big problem but... it's bugging me~... she said she feels that we won't last long~ if i'm not wrong mainly for 2 reasons~... first is she thinks that i still can't get her out of my mind, qy, and maybe M, and that i can't be by her side when she needs me like that day during New Year which i became uncontactable due to reception~ honestly, qy and M are simply just my good friends now... in the first place my feelings for M aren't really strong so it's easy to lose it~... we merely chat occasionally in MSN and that's it~ as for qy... i didn't even contact her at all till now~... i wanted before to call her to play prank on her acting as some external modeling agency but then i found it too lame and gave up that idea~ that was simply for fun and not because i wanted to call her as i miss her or whatsoever~ as for christmas night... i tried to call her but... i called so so so many of my good friends and she is just one of them~ i have no idea why dear feels that i'm keeping something intentionally regarding either qy or M from her~... she didn't say but i know she is feeling this way~... so many small small signals leading to that~ i tried asking myself a few times if i am intentionally trying to keep things from her but the answer came out to be no~ and dear... i really really really felt so bad when i know i wasn't able to be around you when u needed me so much~... it's not within my control... for a moment i wish i fuck this course and go back to singapore to be with you... haiz...

At the same time... there had been quite a few occasions which i wonder if you still have feelings for ur ex-ex, shushu~ but i tell myself that since u said no... i have to trust you~ i believe relationships are built around the word... Trust~ Yet now i know you couldn't trust me~... you said you can't and won't trust anyone that easily... which includes me~ it hurts a little because it made me feel that i am just like anyone out there~ it's alright this is not a big issue or what... i'm still positive about this~ the thing i'm more concerned is... clubbing~ yes i will not forbid you to club but honestly... i prefer that you don't go especially when i can't be around you~ i'm gonna get so so worried if you are drunk... if you can get home safely... if anything happens to you... and stuffs~... since i got to know you in a club... it's ridiculous for me to say no to you clubbing since this is foreseen~ i know it is inevitable~... however, i really really really really do not wish to be like ur ex~... i will seriously hate it so so so much if that happens~... but till now... i still trust you on that~ you won't do it to me....

Dear i really hope that we can last... unlike what u said~ i'm positive that i'm still gonna love you so much when i get back... but will you? will you wait for me till then? like i said it's harder for you because you'll be lonely... and temptations are all lurking around you~ yet for me... all my time other than flying related business is spent on you~ so it's easier~... hopefully you won't be upsetting me which definitely will affect my flying so greatly~... so...please hold on tightly to me dear... and let me know everything that's going in your mind that upsets you....................

Dear i love you... missessssss...................................

I miss you...

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:38:04 GMT

these days i've been seeing junxiang so upset and affected by his relationship related issues and it reminds me so much about myself~ he's very troubled that we are leaving for perth already and that he has not won his chunen's heart over~ actually... from what i see it's not that~ it's just that she cannot make up her mind because junxiang is going overseas for quite some time and that she cannot commit~ so junxiang is worried that he'll miss this opportunity because she is going into university already and he wanted to spend more time with her before he goes~ honestly... it's not too much of a problem~ the only thing is time and i believe he can solve it and maintain their feelings till he is back since it already started~ no problem is too big a problem as long as you are loving or liking each other...

hMm... junxiang is just like me before i enlisted~ worrying that you'll get yourself attached in univeristy coz there are rich guys there... handsome guys there... nice guys there.... rich, handsome and nice guys there... etc etc~ right now... i also do feel rather upset at times when i think about you~ i'm leaving so soon too yet i couldn't spend as much time as i can with you... unlike junxiang when chunen is very willing to meet him very often~ the last time i met you is like 31 days ago~... i didn't tell you when i am leaving yet is because i don't want it to seem like i'm forcing you to meet me using that as an excuse~ there are so many attempts for the past many weeks trying to ask you out for dinner or stuffs~ but your replies were that you were meeting so and so... or was busy~ okay... given that those were valid... you didn't try to say things like maybe some other day or what... which just tells and reminds me that you don't really want to have much and close contact with me~... i don't know lah... i only know i really miss you alot and will be missing you even more in perth~ yet all i'm doing now is just looking at your photos~... wish you were here for me when i was feeling so thrashed the period when you went taiwan for holiday and i had so many problems with my flying related stuffs... i was so upset~... but the reason why i didn't tell you nor want to let you know about my injury is because i didn't want to make you worry in any way though i know you may not be~ i feel as if there are so much things i want to do but yet it seems like i have nothing to do coz they are all about you~...

i guess my world just revolves around you...

New...

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:57:13 GMT

alright i'm gonna change to this new blog since i can't really write about stuffs in the old one as it isn't that secretive anymore~

for these few months... be it flying or relationship related issues... there are so much to write about~ i know perhaps i'm wrong... it's wrong of me to buy you the diamond earrings which kind of shocked you for now as you think it is a little expensive~ i'm really sorry i didn't mean it that way... didn't mean to give you stress in any way... i didn't give you that as your birthday present because i still want to go after you or whatever~ i gave you purely beacause i wanted to and wanted to give you something special for your 21st... for your adulthood~... i know it is almost not possible at all between us so i more or less gave up hope on it already~ i know being purely good friends is what you want~... yet seeing that after you find out about it and more or less stop meeting up together... hurts me lots still~... i'm a pilot trainee, i have high Situational Awareness... definitely i know that since that thursday where we watched the movie "Rule #1"... you never wore the earrings again~... that hurts me a tiny bit too~ i don't need hy to tell gy and then to me about it~... i already know just that i kept it to myself~... but... i was really quite glad to see you in it that thursday...

right know i feel quite screwed up~ i dislocated my right shoulder yesterday and that is going to give me alot of problems~... i may be grounded from flying and not be able to go to Perth because of this~ it is such a painful process for me to make up my mind and convince myself that it may be a good thing to leave Singapore as early as i can so that i can throw all the bothering matters here and leave for a year or so for good~... and it is such a painful process to go and think about leaving here... missing you especially... my family... and my friends~ i hate it~! now when i wanted to leave... i'm likely to be stucked~! sigh... but still... want to thank those who helped me to get my shoulder treated in hospital~ azlan is so thoughtful that he put a picture of her which he took it down from my table into my bag... hoping that it will give me some mental support and strength~ it helped a little... as least i smiled when i first open the bag which was sent to hospital for me...

all i hope now is... i'm able to clear my medical status in time and go ahead to Perth~ also... hope you'll have a wonderful time in Taiwan on monday and not get to use the medication box i prepared for you...