it has been almost a week since i came back from Perth. i love life in singapore... but it wasn't as colourful as i thought it would be. spent most of my time with girlfriend and family. haven't met up with my buddies yet until tomorrow i guess. going out for basketball...

throughout this week... somehow i feel there are stuffs between me and girlfriend. i've been trying hard. but perhaps it wasn't good enough for you. i got to know your friends who i used to detest... but knowing OCS and kiddo are enough. they are nice people i must say... but two is more than enough. i'm not a saint. i'm still angry with that group for certain stuffs although the main culprit is still you. it's just that i can't make myself to blame you enough for it so some of the blame goes to them. it's just like smoking. i truly truly hate the fact that you smoke but you still do. and you left me with no choice but to agree that you'll quit slowly. however in the first place i didn't want you to be addicted to it that's why i kept insisting that you do not smoke when you are with your friends. and what did you do? you lied. you actually lied to me!!! sigh... when i really believe in you when you said you don't smoke... think about it. i don't even really clean up my own room... but i helped to clean yours. why is it so. that's because i want it to be good for you. living in that kind of condition... is it going to help you in your skin problems? and i want you to love going home more... i do it because i care. not because i'm nosy and have nothing better to do. and now i know that you do feel irritated coz we are like spending too much time together. i can tell you when work starts... we are going to see each other way lesser. and you were the one who said you'll give me all your time when i'm back... although i'm not expecting that. if you really feel that you need more of your own time... so be it. i'm okay with it. really. i'm used to it anyway. and you don't know how much you just hurt me. after a long night with an hour of sleep, sending your best friend to airport, you home to sleep, and then myself off to office to settle some stuffs... you said i poke too much into your business after you woke up. you said "san feng ni ye yao guan, bi zi po pi ni ye yao guan, wo zi ji de bi zi po pi wo zi ji hui dong la! ni guan guan guan wo hen xing ku!" that sucks. seriously. it hurts. why can you say something like that that hurt your boyfriend feelings?... so i was wrong showing you my care and concern... so i was wrong to dote on you... and so... i'm wrong... i should stop...

maybe you are right... i should start minding my own business... i shldn't make you clean your room... shldn't make you study... shldn't make you quit smoking... shldn't make you drink water... shldn't make you eat your medicine on time... shldn't keep stopping you from scratching yourself... shldn't make you sleep earlier... shldn't... shldn't... shldn't... too many other shldn't...

and i realised... whenever they said something random or no link... it amuses or entertains you. but when it comes from me... it becomes lame or idiotic to you sometimes. perhaps our frequency for sense of humour doesn't connect. so i guess i shldn't even try to talk so much next time..............

i seem happy... but i seem not... i'm at a loss of words...... fortunately at least i know i love you still... and so do you...