Aug 9, 2009
that night with a brokened heart i text gf that i want to breakup after seeing those hugging pictures posted by the bitches. i felt so cheated at that point of time and i really snapped because i never expect her to do it as we have agreed on this. it's a definite no go for me to her hugging other guys when dancing even if it's her so called "buddies". in addition she was drunk and couldn't remember that it actually happened. for that moment i can't help it but thoughts of other similar incidents that may have happened without me knowing filled my mind and i felt like a fool. however... gf said that that was really the one and only time and all of them were a little out of control due to the drinks. so now i'm believing her on what she said and we are trying to salvage this relationship...
gf said she'll go home early everyday... she'll stop doing all the mistakes she had done... etc etc. the main reason why i didn't insist on breaking up is because of... love. i still love her. and i feel gf is really trying to save this relationship. furthermore she didn't come on a strong or defensive approach... but instead did acknowledge and recognise those things that i felt was wrong. like... the pictures. although she's mad at the bitches... but she know too in the first place she shouldn't haven taken such pictures. no no... correction. she shouldn't even have done it. it's not about whether the pictures were taken or not. it's the actions. so... at least i still see some hope that she realises things... and feel what i feel. plus... she said if i needed more time to reconsider between us she'll understand... she'll be waiting for me...
i hope things will go back to how we were... all the love and sweetness given to each other. but i guess it will take time. i need the time too. i don't know why but occasionally the images of the pictures taken just flashed past my mind and i couldn't control it. this always make me feel damn screwed. so i need time... i need a bit more time to forgive and forget... more time to overcome what had happened this past 2 months... sorry...
but bottom line is that i still love you dear... i do... we'll work this out together... so please don't ever break my heart like this again.......... :(
Posted at 12:24 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
Aug 8, 2009
it hurts.... hurts badly... i didn't know the pain can be so bad.......... i hate this.........
Posted at 01:44 am by Kevin87
Permalink
Aug 5, 2009
finally i briefly told gf about how i feel for the last 1 month. no idea why i told her... perhaps i was really still half asleep and that's why. if not i guess i wouldn't. anyway... yea was feeling pretty screwed. to make the long story short and omit those mentioned previously... it's mainly because of the change between us and that gf did not keep to what she had told me. i remember that week before her birthday, which is also the week that she started hanging out often with her current group of friends, she said she's busy preparing her birthday celebration. then the week after that, gf got her rented car and hanged out till on average 5 6am daily. however she said she'll make it up to me when she comes Perth and she'll have more time for me after going back to Singapore since she won't have a car, which means no late nights. but then for the next week, gf decided to rent a car again despite me discouraging her. thus the super late nights from her again and the completion of prison break season 1, 2, and 3 by me as i had a lot of free time. in addition i was doing night flying then so it's supposed to be my more relax period. yet the story didn't end here. next was that school is starting in another week's time so gf wanted to have more time enjoying herself outside with friends and stuffs before concentrating towards schoolwork which means going home early and giving me some time. hence poor me is left alone most of the time again... as of now, it's already her 3rd day of school but she hanged out till rather late too. so i was really really sad man... felt like i was so neglected by gf. now she needs her friends more than she needs me. friends seem more important than me too. feel as if it's no longer the same... from seeing each other through webcams almost every night... to relatively long conversations every night... to only good night calls every night which used to be mandatory for her... and then to only good night SMSes like now... i know it's normal for things to change a bit as time passes but coupled with all those stuffs made me feel very sad. i don't know how to explain but i just don't feel the love there anymore. dropped her many hints before... asked her to try not staying out till so late many times before... but she just didn't take my comments seriously i guess... i didn't like object to it showing my displeasure yet hoping that she will "zi dong". i thought i'm reasonable. i'm just asking for maybe... half of what you have been giving them instead...
it's different although we still SMS each other about where we were and what we were doing. sometimes there are things that happened which i want to share with you... be it about my flights... my course... my friends... or whatever it is. and many times all these have to be shared on that day itself with you. if not the feel is gone. perhaps i can hear your views... advice... or maybe i just needed some consolation and encouragement. so anything later than that it losses it's purpose in sharing with you. that's why a lot of our conversations were cut off as well. how can it be there's nothing happening in my life? maybe you should start thinking that there are times you need me to be there for you... and there more times i need you to be there for me. afterall i'm in a foreign land which isn't a home of mine...
if you still love me then maybe you should start to take me and what i say more into your heart... don't make me feel so disappointed and upset about all these... or even numb. sometimes... one just can't make up for the time that is lost by doubling it back you know?... it might all be about moderation... the "process"... try to feel the efforts i put in in the past to make you feel loved by me despite the distance... the sacrifices i made... and maybe i need some from you too...............
Posted at 10:06 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
Jul 24, 2009
sigh... baby got into a car accident and it's quite serious~ fortunately she's still alive and kicking. no injuries other than being in a mental shock still~ when i heard she got into an accident i was so so so worried. God blessed that she's alright. however awhile later i got a little angry that she didn't take good care of herself. if only she had drove slower and safer. yet i can't bear to reprimand her at all coz she's feeling very bad and sad about it already. poor little girl... breaks my heart to see her so upset and cry...
i guess maybe it's partly my fault too. i should have been firm with my stand and not give in to her renting the car again. kept having the uncanny feeling about this whole thing. nvm... take it as a lesson learnt for myself. i shall stand strong on what i feel is right and best for her in the future.
hopefully things go well and dear don't have to pay so much. she's broke already... haiz...
Posted at 01:02 am by Kevin87
Permalink
Jul 20, 2009
it's not that we have nothing to talk about. remember that time when i tried to "prove" that to you? i guess it's just that now there are things you feel you can't share with me anymore. reason being if you share with me you are worried that i'll be unhappy and angry coz they might be things which i discourage you from doing. or purely because i don't really like that group of people. for some reason i don't know why... i don't blame myself for that. in fact i still do not like you doing the things you did with them. perhaps this cut off quite a bit of the things you could share with me?
And how am i supposed to really be able to chat with you when you are out with your friends... trying to mingle with them while in the midst of a conversation with me. half the time i end up repeating myself or you don't really follow what i'm talking. i don't mind repeating myself. you know i don't. but it just feels different compared to last time when i'm talking with you when you are out with the girls instead. just different. it's also the quality time which we spend together talking on the phones... on the webcams... just you and me. it's not a big issue. nothing great. just hope that this doesn't drift us apart neglecting one another.
sometimes it might be harder for me to accommodate to your lifestyle and hours since i'm here under training... with important tasks on hand... with goals to be achieved... compared to you having your mini "holiday" still~
Posted at 12:13 am by Kevin87
Permalink
Jul 5, 2009
I wished you had gone home earlier today and try to pacify me with that driving issue instead of going out with Natie and kiddo's gang. First thing that came to my mind was... "Kiddo kiddo kiddo kiddo kiddo... i 'hate' that group of people... bad influence!" And yes i admit this isn't a fair nor sound judgment. Too bad i wasn't around in Singapore so i don't think it's appropriate of me to stop you from meeting your friends who helped me keep you company in my absence. But still i wished you were at home. Probably you feel that kevin is just being kevin... after awhile of being angry or upset he'll be okay as time passes. Yes, time will cool me down... things will be alright... but i rather see you put in the extra effort trying hard to humour me instead of putting things aside acting as if nothing has happened and hope that time will solve things. You know i'm a guy after all. I also have a soft spot if you 撒娇 and stuffs... instead of appearing to come on strong towards me. But I'm not asking you to do that. Sometimes it's not that i'm not man enough like you jokingly said... it's just that i love you so much and gave in to you too much. And i guess i was just too honest with my love for you wanting to make you feel very loved by me even though i'm like miles away...
And this makes tomorrow the 5th day we didn't really have a good talk with one another. I guess the next few days will be the same. You'll be out with them or others for the night since you are getting another car again. So be it. I'll just go sleep real real early. Seems easy for you huh? Able to sleep after the bicker over the phone due to your sleepless night at chalet... after that out to chill with friends again and have fun... tonight definitely will be sleeping soundly too. However i can tell you it's not easy for me... whole day was screwed. Didn't even enjoy that only meal i had today which is supposed to be a good lunch. So, felt damn draggy trying to settle some stuffs in town for next week, which is supposedly a great great week i'm looking forward to. Don't even think about me being able to study. I couldn't. I simply rot in this cold and lifeless room of mine. And fucking double turned for 2 advanced aerobatics sorties tomorrow. No idea what the planners want to do. Maybe to kill me...
Arghhhhh... hope tomorrow will be a bad weather day...
Posted at 11:34 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
You are really good at making me angry. So good... Didn't really have any conversations between us for the past few days and what a great start we had when i finally called you~... I should laugh at myself... and laugh it out loud.
Can anyone imagine someone who just got her license driving at 160km/h? even i've only went max at 140km/h with a Camry. What more she's only driving Toyota Axio or something along that line at such high speed. The fucking car is surely going to be unstable. Yes it's because kiddo is driving at 180km/h with that stupid KIA and you are supposed to follow them as you don't know the way... but isn't it so much more sensible and logical to choose to drive at a safer speed even if you have to be separated from them and be lost? What's so great about speeding? Thrill? Adrenalin rush? Or what? I fly up to 5-600km/h i don't see the need to speed to that extent on roads too. Have you ever encountered fatal road accidents... people you know of died or badly injured... so on and so forth... and all these just because people are reckless! Can't you see my point when i told you don't ever speed before you got your rented car? I can't imagine what's next when you are already so comfortable driving so fast now when you are still so new. Kiddo is such an asshole too. Can't he use his brains and not make you do this kind of thing when he knows that you are a new driver? Fucking playful KIDS... And you did something wrong yet you are showing me signs of tantrums over this issue? For a moment i tried to cool myself wanting to explain things to you hoping that you will understand the seriousness of it but you blew it. It's not about whether you told me or not but whether did you do it. Alright you said if you had known earlier you wouldn't tell me. So be it. If you really want to keep things from me in the future i can't stop you. But i can say that's going to trade off some things between us if that's really your call. To think i thought that you must be feeling quite frightened and worried over the small scratch of the car but i guess your guts are good enough for that. No need for me to worry about you. Or why am i so concerned of your safety... your well-being... you driving while feeling sleepy.. or whatever... and end up making myself so frustrated? Perhaps i don't have to worry so much. It's your life, your choice after all...
I'm begining to dislike your group of friends...
Posted at 04:44 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
Jul 2, 2009
Baby pass driving test! ^^
yes!!! so happy for baby today! she passed her driving test!!! first attempt man! i say good job! haha~ and she's smiling the whole day like a happy kid~ keep your spirits that way dear~ i love it :)
she can't wait to start driving in Singapore that she rented a car for this coming weekend while she stay at the chalet with friends. I too rented a car for the period she's over here so that she can drive too sometimes if the traffic is low.
i can't wait!!! the 10th seems to be crawling... Zzz....
Posted at 10:07 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
Jun 29, 2009
i'm so so so happy for my baby
dear! her appeal for SIM works! she's going to school in August! don't
have to wait for stupid January to come just because she forgot to make
the payment on time~ the only bad thing is that she's going to have
lesser time for me when i get back to Singapore which is in the August
as well... but nvm! it's for her own good! i'm sure that's what her
mummy wants for her and is happy for her too...
dear you got to really work hard in uni ah!!!
Posted at 11:43 pm by Kevin87
Permalink
Jun 19, 2009
she ask me don't keep looking for her... very very very sad lah... :(...
Posted at 12:37 am by Kevin87
Permalink
