in the end i still talk to girlfriend although i felt that i do not know what to say to her anymore. tossing in the bed for hours yet not falling asleep sucks. and i was very distracted by the MSN whenever there is some activity... thinking if it might be her.
i told her everything that went through my mind at that point of time... and my feelings. all i want now is... i want my gf back. the old gf who at least i know loves me... she makes me feel it... and i miss her alot alot... i used to think that she is the best gf i can have... and i want to think like that again. i thought perhaps i'm a lousy bf... but you said you were the lousy gf. however... when i lay on my bed looking at the polariod pictures we took together which you told me at the airport that they should be sufficient to last me for 9 months... each and every single picture paints out the good old memories i had with you... and it feels very very loved. perhaps it is now the 10th month... that the pictures expired. yet from them i can vividly remember how sweet things felt... all that you have done for me previously... like you getting me dinner after a tiring day at work... clearing up the mess i made... make me my tea for me to study... and my massage when i'm shag. all these i take it to my heart... and not for granted. tell me how can i not love a sweet girlfriend like this who i have... or rather... had........
i guess all i can find comfort in now is... that you said meanwhile you will try your best to find your old self back... find me back the girlfriend i love a lot... and that you are definitely not leaving me. although you don't know what's wrong with you to have make you change so much... you still want to try prove to me by your actions by trying to be more disciplined and stay at home as much as possible. i know you don't dare to promise me anything because you are afraid and do not wish to disappoint nor hurt me badly again... but if i can't find her back again... i'll still be hurt and upset. coz what i want isn't the promises... what i want is her... is you......
i feel helpless and useless that i can't figure out for you what's wrong with you... and what can we do about it. i only know now that your social life seems very important to you... and probably more important than me to you. but you know i've never asked you to give up your life and your likes for me. all i've been asking was for you to moderate them. you said you know you have changed... a lot a lot... maybe because you got all the freedom to do whatever you want. so please... change back dear... change back......... if you agree and think that things will be fine once i'm back coz at least i'm around you... all i'm asking for is 3 more weeks. i just need you to endure for another 3 weeks... let us be able to be still together after this 3 weeks and things will be fine. Keep yourself busy with school work instead since tests are coming... give me more of your love... and just minimise the rest as much as you can. moderate them. it's just another short 3 weeks dear... after going through so much together.............
sigh... i really hope you'll be able to find your 3 months ago self back... and things will be fine again. how i wish i am going back tomorrow. i'm getting frustrated with all the bad weather and planning over here. maybe coz i wanted to get back badly..... hopefully the planners will start pushing us real bad and get me back by the 18th. and dear... it's not true that you don't deserve me at all.... not true..................... :(
i love you... still...........
Posted at 11:57 am by Kevin87
